LIFESTUCK
by Rathlyn
Summary: A kid plays the most talked about game of the century, and it turns out he gets more than he bargained for. Rated T for language. An adventure with touches of Homestuck jokes and original humor.
1. Prologue Part: 1 Begin

**A/N: I don't own Homestuck blah blah blah. Disclaimers are boring. Instead, why don't you read the story?** **I mean, seriously,** **who reads these things? Well. I do.**

LIFESTUCK

A boy stands in his room on his 15th birthday. While he has been on this Earth for 15 years, it is only today that he will find a purpose!

ENTER NAME

He already has one, numbnuts!

GUESS NAME

Your name is RYAN JENKINS. Today is January 31, 2012, as stated previously it is your 15th birthday. Your interests include IMMATURITY and VIDEO GAMES. Your room is a mess, and the floor is barely visible under the piles of crap! You really wish you had something that could clean it in a second. Scattered around the room are various games you own as well as a multitude of handhelds. Your laptop sits on your bed, charging for future use. You are excited about a new game that you have been expecting to receive any day, and believe today might be your lucky day! It is, after all, you're birthday. Your chumHandle is universalAnniversal and you speak tend to express yourself through your typing! :D

GET ARMS

You are NOT about to follow through with this meme again. Besides, you already have them.

CAPTCHALOGUE LAPTOP

You take you laptop and put it in your RPG MODUS sylladex that you received 2 years ago on your 13th birthday. To access the item enclosed in the card, you must first complete a real-world sidequest! To get your laptop back, it seems you need to find 2 SBURB DISCS. You really hope you get that game today.

RUMMAGE THROUGH CRAP

You waste a good ten minutes rummaging through the piles on the floor before realizing you have no idea what you're looking for.

Suddenly you hear scratching at your door! You open it to let in your cat, Ryan! While you share the same name, you are a boy while your cat is a girl. To prevent confusion you call her Rye or just Cat.

PET CAT

Ryan revolts from your touch and runs off! Well, that was expected. She always runs off when you attempt to pet her. It seems someone is trying to pester you. Too bad the laptop is stuck in its QUEST LOG. You still need 2 SBURB DISCS to get to it!

FIND DISCS

You can't find the discs, as you haven't received them yet! You decide to just use the computer in the Den, which is just down the hall.

PESTER CHUM

You log on to pesterchum on the clunky PC in the Den. You seriously hate this piece of shit.

**suspiciousEnthusiast began pestering universalAnniversal at 8:32 AM**

**SE: hey!**

**UA: Hello there! :D**

**SE: howws the birthday coming?**

**UA: Well, it hasn't started yet. My silly father is still preparing the gifts for me downstairs. :/ On top of that, my laptop is trapped until I get my SBurb discs from him.**

**SE: wwoww, I really hope you get those discs!**

**UA: Yeah. But I have a feeling I'm about to get them. ;)**

**SE: wwell I hope you do! I actually am not gonna be on long, I gotta go shoppin wwith my friends. see yah!**

**UA: Awww…D: See ya later! :)**

**suspiciousEnthusiast ceased pestering universalAnniversal at 8:40 AM**

You always enjoy conversations with SE. Its always so fun! :D

EXAMINE CHUMROLL

There isn't much to examine. There's tiger, mozillatheFox, furryDreamer, and 2 other people you haven't talked to in a while. You close pesterchum and prepare to do other things.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed! This is my SECOND fanfic. For the one or two of you who read the first chapter of KHIRL, I haven't actually...y'know...PLAYED it. And since most of my knowledge from KH came from Youtube, and I can't actually GET there anymore. You get the idea. Well, enjoy my new story: LIFESTUCK! And remember to review it!  
><strong>


	2. Prologue Part: 2 Collect

**A/N: Do I really have to do a disclaimer the second time around? No, didn't think so. But I will anyway. I don't own Homestuck or any of the characters nor Sburb in any form. There. Enjoy this chapter, longer than the last one. BUT by the time the story is up there will probably be 2 or 3 chapters on it. I'm trying to stick to an almost daily update schedule, if I don't stick to it, don't worry. Just enjoy the chapter.**

HEAD DOWNSTAIRS

You can't head downstairs! Your father is still preparing your gifts! He'll call you when its ready.

ALLOCATE STRIFE SPECIBUS

You can't do that as you lost your STRIFE PORTFOLIO to your dastardly SYLLADEX. The QUEST LOG says to get 10 PENCILS 2 PENS and a MYSTERY ITEM, only to be revealed when the other items have been collected. Unfortunately your house has lacked pencils for quite some time, and you have no idea where to get more. At least it isn't 20 BEAR ASSES.

CAPTCHOLOGUE SOME COMFY SLIPPERS

You take one of your slippers. You nervously take a peek at its QUEST LOG to find…that you need the other slipper. PHEW. You take the other slipper and are rewarded with the first slipper. You now have a pair of slippers in your REWARDS CACHE.

CHECK OUT VARIOUS REWARDS

Your REWARDS CACHE is in a separate area of your SYLLADEX and is not affected by the amount of cards in your QUEST BOOK. The cache currently contains 2 slippers, a laptop charger and you all-important TOY CHAINSAW, which would be allocated to your CHAINSAWkind Specibus, if you could get to it.

WAIT LISTLESSLY FOR YOU FATHER'S CALLING

You wait for a good ten minutes until your father calls from downstairs. Yes! Time to grab some SWEET LOOT! You rush downstairs to find a cake and a group of gifts waiting for you! One of them looks suspiciously like 2 envelopes with a bow.

OPEN SECOND SMALLEST PRESENT

You open the smallest present besides the envelopes, to find a…A…oh crap.

THROW SHITTY PRESENT OUT IN DISGUST

Why would you do that? The present isn't shitty in the least! You have just received a PIANO SHIRT! This shirt has a working electronic piano on it and a mini-amp so you can share the sick beats you create on the go! You decide to just open more presents.

OPEN NEXT PRESENT

You go for the largest gift before be BLOCKED BY A SUDDEN CAT! Yes, your cat has suddenly walked between you and the gift! Rye makes herself comfortable and you decide to just open the medium sized present instead. It opens to reveal…

SHITTY CLIFFHANGER TIME

You are now some girl somewhere else in the US of A.

ENTER NAME

She already has a name, numbnuts! But she's nice enough to tell you her name and interests anyway.

Your name is MARY GUNNER. Your interests include VIDEO GAMES, such as the one you received 3 days ago, as well as GAMBLING, although you are not very good at it. You always seem to lose to your GAMBLING CHAMPION of a grandfather. Your room is more orderly than Ryan's room, although you won't know that until you start playing Sburb with him! Currently you are waiting for some of your REAL LIFE FRIENDS to pick you up to go to the mall and hang out. You don't enjoy actually SHOPPING, just the SOCIAL ASPECT of hanging with your pals. Your chumHandle is suspiciousEnthusiast and you speak in a wwavvy accent, just like your patron troll. You have recently found out it is your friends 15th BIRTHDAY and have just wished him a good one! Yours was only a few days ago, but the package your friend said he sent hasn't arrived yet! You BET it will come sometime today, if at all!

TAKE DICE

You take your dice and immediately allocate them to your diceKind Specibus. You use these PLAIN, YET SERVICABLE DICE to play many GAMBLING GAMES with your grandfather, such as BLACKJACK, POKER, and TEXAS HOLD'EM. You still never win.

TAKE LAPTOP

There's no laptop in your room! Just this crappy immobile PC! You hope that entering the game will allow you to ALCHEMIZE a new laptop for computing on the go!

Oh well. It doesn't matter.

LOOK OUT WINDOW

The only thing to see outside is the forest and the rain. The forest is currently NOT on fire, nor shall it ever be. You have no idea why you thought of this. This was stupid.

CAPTCHOLOGUE SOME AMAZING GAMES

You take one of your games and put it in your GAME BOX sylladex. It is put into a game disc and stuck into your MULTI-TIER DISC READER. The reader reads the disc and displays the alchemizing possibilities on the SYLLASCREEN. It is extremely useful, if slightly annoying to retrieve items from. You haven't yet found a way to alchemize a laptop. God damnit you suck at this thing.

EJECT DISC 3

You eject the 3rd disc in your sylladex. The corresponding item flies out of the thing and lands on your bed. It was your STRANGE CRYSTAL that you found when you were 8. This crystal glows with a strange light. You would hate it if something happened to it. Fortunately you were facing your bed when you ejected the disc. You really need to be better at catching these things. You re-captchalogue it into DISC 3. You now see that you can make a CRYSTAL GAMECARD that would be completely unreadable by any system, anywhere.

RETURN TO BEING THE OTHER BOY

What?

LEAVE YOUR ROOM

You would, but you have to wait until your friends get here! If you left your room, your friends…yeah. There really is no reason not to leave your room. You just don't want to.

Now pick something to actually do, numbnuts!


	3. Prologue Part: 3 Enter

**A/N: Okay, no more freakin disclaimers. Read the story por favor, rate/review etc. etc.**

WAIT FOR FRIENDS

Isn't that what you were doing anyway? Try doing something constructive for once!

PESTER CHUM

Which one? You have universalAnniversal, mozillatheFox, and furryDreamer.

PESTER UA

You already did that! Besides, he probably is opening presents right now, and he trapped his laptop anyway! I don't think you'll be able to talk to him for a while!

EXAMINE WEAPONRY

All you have are your PLAIN, YET SERVICABLE DICE that you bought at a local game store. They don't have magical properties or anything.

PLACE DICE IN DISC SLOT 4

The disc slot is already taken by the game card! Instead, you put it in slot five. The screen displays a set of dice, glowing with MYSTERIOUS POWERS OF LUCK. You already knew this. The only reason you don't have these yet is because you do not yet have the grist to alchemize it! It costs an insane amount of the stuff, which you could never get except by killing an enemy of enormous power in some game!

You do, however, have the MOCK FLOURITE OCTET, which are absolutely useless. They're just a few dice-shaped balloons. Oh well. You put them into your strife deck with your DICE. You GUESS they could come in handy? Maybe?

READ RECENT FANFICTION

You log onto Fanfiction to check up on some of your favorite authors. There are a few updates and you read them while you wonder where your friends are. Seriously, where the fuck are they? They're never this late? Suddenly your reading gets interrupted by a SUDDEN PESTERCHUM ATTACK!

ANSWER CHUM

It seems while you were screwing around up here, your friend finished opening his presents!

**universalAnniversal began pestering suspiciousEnthusiast at 9:05 AM**

**UA: Heyo! :D**

**SE: hey! wwhat did you get for your birthday?**

**UA: Well, I can tell you only 2 things:**

**UA: 1. It was some SWEET LOOT! :D**

**UA: And 2. I finally have the Sburb discs! Which is kinda how I'm talking to you in the first place. xD**

**SE: swweet! wwanna play?**

**UA: Yeah, but aren't you waiting for your friends? :/**

**SE: yeah, but I don't think their gonna be here for a wwhile! they haven't arrived yet and I don't think they'll be coming anytime soon!**

**UA: Aww. That sucks. :(**

**SE: yeah, it kinda does. wwhatever! wwe can play the game noww!**

**UA: Awesome! :D I'll install the client disc when you're ready!**

**SE: okay!**

**UA: This is gonna be epic! :D**

**universalAnniversal ceased pestering suspiciousEnthusiast at 9:10 AM**

MINUTES INTO THE PAST

But not many, a boy opens his second present on his fifteenth birthday!

OPEN THE PRESENT ALREADY!

Alright, alright. Sheesh. Don't get touchy. You open the second present to find that you GOT A SWEET NEW FETCH MODUS! And a whole lot of newspaper shreds. The fetch modus is the queue modus, the most boring, yet functional, modus in existence. You decide to stick with your RPG MODUS for now.

OPEN LARGEST PRESENT

You open the final present before the Sburb client discs to reveal THIS SWEET NEW …box?

The label on the box says that it is full of "various things for the young ALCHEMIZER on the go!" No dubt your father bought this because he believed it would contain some "alchemization kit" or something. You have other ideas.

GET ENVELOPES

You gather the Sburb discs and COMPLETE THE QUEST! Your REWARDS CACHE fills with the 2 discs and your LAPTOP!

PESTER SE ABOUT GOOD FORTUNE

You precede to have the conversation we already saw a few commands ago. We don't need to see it again.

INSTALL CLIENT DISC

You plug in your LAPTOP to prevent it from dying and load up the client disc! You imagine some awesome music while the screen's spirograph dances around while the game loads. The screen switches to one that says "Searching for server".

MARY: INSTALL SERVER DISC

You install the server disc and connect to your friend. You doubt that your real life friends will ever get here and begin playing the game. Before you do anything, Ryan's father leaves the house to do some errands. Good. We don't want anyone to accidentally get caught up in this shit.

MARY: BEGIN PLACING VARIOUS IMPORTANT TOOLS

Gotta make some space first! You expand Ryan's room and move his bed to make more space for the new machines. You deploy the CRUXTRUDER, the ALCHEMITER, the PUNCHHOLE DESIGNIX, and the TOTEM LATHE. You also deploy the all-important PUNCHED CARD. Your client player immediately goes to work as you open the CRUXTRUDER to start the countdown and release the sprite. The timestamp on the CRUXTRUDER shows 10:55, an ample amount of time to finish the preparations.

FOOL AROUND WITH CONTROLS

You decide to start messing around with the controls while your client gets ready to enter the Medium. You see that there are a few controls, most of them allowing you to manipulate the client's environment. There aren't many things that you can deploy at the moment, except for what you already have. You wait as your client places the cruxite dowel on the ALCHEMITER to grow the cruxite object.

MARY: BE SOMEONE'S CLIENT PLAYER

You are now someone's client player.

RYAN: PROTOTYPE SPRITE

You plan to do so after you get your cruxite item, just to make sure you have plenty of time to enter the Medium before the meteor hits. How do you know this? Well you read Homestuck of course. Who wouldn't? That shit is awesome. The ALCHEMITER produces a large blue tree, which sprouts an apple. You have 5 minutes to break it.

You look around for something to prototype the sprite with. Currently, the only living/humanoid thing you can see is your cat, and I don't think she would take too kindly to something like that. Instead, you have a flash of inspiration and open the box you got for your birthday. Seeing a small humanoid object you immediately throw it into the sprite without thinking. A bright flash of light temporarily blinds you and the sprite becomes…

NO TIME FOR THAT! BREAK THE APPLE!

Fine, fine. You rush to the apple as the countdown clicks to 59 seconds and take a bite. Suddenly, it feels like something smacks you in the back of the head and you go down.

MARY: !

OMG OMG OMG OMG! OH SHIT! You stare at the computer screen as you observe a large hand smack Ryan in the back of the head right after he bit the apple! You really hope he is okay and that he made it to the Medium. Because of the game's viewpoint, you can't see in anything changed outside his windows! All you can do is wait for another minute to see if he wakes up!

A FEW HOURS IN THE PAST

But not many…

**A/N: As you may have noticed, the chapters are getting longer. I hope to achieve an average of about 4-5 pages on Word for every submission! Right now, I'm hitting maybe 3 and a half. Go me! I can do it! Well, anyway. Enjoy the chapter until tomorrow in which a new character is introduced! Something to look forward to. ;) Oh, I may also be posting 2 chapters either tomorrow or Sunday, because I may not be able to on Saturday. Only time will tell!**


	4. Prologue Part: 4 Welcome

BE THE NEW CHILD

You cannot be someone who hasn't been introduced yet, numbnuts! And don't even think about typing ENTER NAME, because he already has one!

Your name is PAUL CONNER. You have a VARIETY OF INTERESTS, including, but not limited to, MOVIES OF THE FANTASY KIND, as well as VARIOUS GAMES. You enjoy sitting around the table to a friendly, yet competitive, game of MONOPOLY almost as much as playing a VIDEO GAME online with your friends as long as you HAVE SOMEONE TO SOCIALIZE WITH. Your room is populated by ASSORTED BOARD GAMES such as MONOPOLY, RISK, and CLUE. There are also various GAME DISCS, although you do not have as many games as your friends. You enjoy watching your MOVIES while playing these GAMES. This activity pleases you very much, although your parents think you have a problem, as you insist on having a second monitor in your room so you can accomplish this. Your chumHandle is mozillatheFox and you speak with EMPHASIS on IMPORTANT words. Getting upset causes you to EMPHASIS words that don't make any sense AT ALL.

What will you do?

PESTER YOUR CHUMS

No.

RETRIEVE AR-

SHUT UP. NOW.

FINE THEN. RETRIEVE FAKE ARMS.

You don't own a pair of those. Only derpy kids who think that they're awesome PRANKSTERS own FAKE ARMS. You have your own pair of REAL ARMS attached to your shoulders. Those are more than enough.

RETRIEVE WEAPONS

You pick up your NIGHTMARE SPINNER and allocate it to your GAMEkind Strife Specibus. You found the spinner in the mail one day, from a mysterious source. Until then you were using your BRACELETkind Specibus, with a pair of BRASS KNUCKLES as your weapon.

You think this is a much better weapon than any BRASS KNUCKLES you can find.

CAPTCHOLOGUE CLUE

Why don't I just tell you his fetch modus rather than you having him pick up useless crap?

You use the DECK MODUS, which acts like a deck of cards. Every time you pick up an item, it splits the card into 4 suits and shuffles the deck. It then deals you a hand of 5 CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS to use as you wish.

You would trust your life to this modus. It hasn't let you down yet.

EXAMINE HAND

You look at your hand. It is a plain old hand.

I MEANT WHAT IS IN YOUR CAPTCHALOGUE HAND

Oh. Right. You knew that. You look at your HAND. Inside it are 2 blank cards, as well as your CHUNK OF AMBER, NOTEBOOK AND PEN, and your DECK OF CARDS. You always keep a deck of REAL CARDS on you at all times, in case you need them.

SAVE YOUR FRIENDS

Your friends don't need saving! Not yet, anyway.

INSTALL SBURB

Your copies of SBURB are sitting on your desk, unopened. To tell the truth, you haven't gotten around to playing them yet, as your SECOND SCREEN has been taken by your parents. You'll just have to wait until you find another screen to watch your movie on.

PESTER CHUMS

Fine, you'll do it this time. You log on to pester chum to find that both furryDreamer and universalAnniversal are both on. FD is in a RANKEROUS mood, so you decide to pester UA, as he seems to be in a happier mood.

**mozillatheFox began pestering universalAnniversal at 8:02 AM**

**MF: Wassup dude.**

**UA: Yo! It's my birthday today! I finally turn 15! :D**

**MF: Congratz. Hope you have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

**UA: Thanks! Y'know, ever since you started reading Homestuck, you've began to emphasis your words.**

**UA: Its freaking me out bro. :/**

**MF: Its cool. I don't do it TOO often.**

**UA: You just did it then. -_-**

**UA: Oh well. Did you get your screen back yet?**

**MF: No. Not yet.**

**UA: Aww. I hope you get it back soon, then we can start playing! :)**

**UA: When we do, I bet we'll have a lot of fun!**

**UA: And maybe get some SWEET LOOT in the process. :)**

**MF: lol**

**MF: Your variety of smilies never ceases to amuse me.**

**UA: Thanks! At least I don't ribbit. Then you'd really be laughing! xD**

**MF: lol**

**MF: Yeah I think so. Well, I gotta go get my screen back so we can play. See ya later.**

**UA: Later!**

**mozillatheFox ceased pestering universalAnniversal at 8:10 AM**

Sweet. Now that that's out of the way, you can get down to the business of retrieving your screen from your insufferable mother. You don't hate her, she just annoys you. A LOT. A WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING LOT.

CLOSE LAPTOP

What laptop? You've been holding this conversation on your 23" PC. That way, your movies are that much more awesome. But you still have a laptop with you at all times. You still need 5 more computers to be a SENSIBLE PERSON.

Sensible people: 0/4

GO DOWNSTAIRS

As much as you would like to, you can't. Mom is holding one of her "tea parties" with the ladies. They'll be gone in about an hour, if they don't fall asleep or get too drunk to leave. You hate your mother's tea parties. Almost as much as you hate not having 2 screens in your room.

BE THE CLIENT CHILD

You are suddenly the server player.

PSYCHE…?

Why not? You are now the client child.

WAKE UP

Oog. You rub the back of your head. It feels as if you were hit by a ton of bricks. At least you made it to the Medium. The CRUXTRUDER'S countdown has stopped, so you guess that's why. It seems to have stopped at 30 seconds. You hope your DAD was far enough away from the explosion to have survived. But knowing Guardians, he probably has and is on his way to Skaia right now.

LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW

You open your window and stick out your head. For miles around you, all you can see are tall mountains with narrow paths threading between and on them. One path, leading from your house, seems larger than the rest and is the only perfectly straight one. You can see semi-transparent beings walking these paths.

Welcome to the Land of Ghosts and Paths

INFORM SERVER

You log back onto pesterChum as the transportation of your house seems to have knocked your internet connection for a second.

**universalAnniversal began pestering suspiciousEnthusiast at ?:?**

**UA: I'm in the Medium! :D We succeeded!**

**SE: pheww! I thought you wwere done for wwhen I saw you get knocked out.**

**SE: are you okay?**

**UA: Yeah**

**UA: I'm fine.**

**UA: My head feels as if it got hit by a ton of bricks though. :(**

**SE: all I saww wwas this hand come from nowwhere and smack you. It wwas so wweird.**

**UA: That might have been my sprite. I never really got a good look at what I threw in it. I hope its nothing bad. :/ I can't see it at the moment though. Mind looking for it?**

**SE: sure!**

**SE: I found it! It seems to be some sort of santa ghost kinda thing…**

**UA: Huh**

**UA: Maybe I prototyped it with a santa? Oh well**

**UA: I'm going to take this opportunity to make some pencils, so I can finally get my strife portfolio out!**

**SE: cool. I'll send you a code.**

**SE: 2O34u5**

**UA: Awesome! :D Thanks!**

**UA: Okay, I'm punching the card now. I'm also punching the code for captchalogue cards to make some more of those.**

**UA: Pencils only cost 1 build grist. Cool. How much do we have?**

**SE: uuhhh…**

**SE: 12 pieces…**

**UA: -_-**

**UA: Wow. Okay. Do you see any imps to kill?**

**SE: yeah. I'll chuck your toilet at them or somethin**

**UA: You do that. We need that build grist!**

You expend most of your BUILD GRIST to make 10 PENCILS. The QUEST for your STRIFE PORTFOLIO is completed! 10 PENCILS, 2 PENS, and your STRIFE PORTFOLIO are dumped into your REWARDS CACHE. You immediately put the PORTFOLIO back where it belongs and equip your TOY CHAINSAW to your CHAINSAWkind SPECIBUS. You need to get a better one soon.

Maybe you'll get one after your server player kills some imps. Then you might have enough grist to make your TOY CHAINSAW real again! Woohoo!

**A/N: Well I've settled into a new groove: Write today's chapter and the one for the next day. This way, I might not have to update twice any time at all! That and it makes me feel better when I accidentally forget to update. -_- Oh well. See ya'll tomorrow then, with a new chapter!**


	5. ACT 1: Create

**A/N: For the sake of sanity, let's pretend that the quest items required for the items in the kit consist of each other. .**

EXIT ROOM

You're not sure you want to right now…maybe you should wait until your server gives the all-clear. With nothing but a toy, you're not sure you can defend yourself.

**SE: Okay! Your house WAS full of imps, but now it's just full of grist! And one VERY successful toilet!**

**UA: Awesome! Thanks! I'll talk to you soon!**

You leave the room and are immediately confronted with a massive amount of grist. You can see build grist, shale, and oil. You aren't sure you can handle this much grist.

**UA: Are you sure we have gristgutter?**

**SE: Yeah**

**UA: Good. Otherwise I don't think I could use all this grist!**

COLLECT GRIST

You collect the enormous quantity of grist scattered about the house. This should be enough to alchemize some sort of useful weaponry.

TOILET: LEVEL UP

Unfortunately the toilet cannot level up. It took a nasty spill and all the water in its LIFE BOWL spilled out. The toilet is no longer with us…farewell.

RYAN: ALCHEMIZE!

Woohoo! Time to alchemize! Fortunantly all of your gear is in one convenient spot, otherwise it would really be a pain to go back and forth.

EXAMINE CONTENTS OF BOX

Besides the thing that you used with your sprite, your JUNIOR ALCHEMIZER'S KIT still has most of its contents! Inside you find:

A LARGE METAL BALL

A LARGE CRYSTAL BALL

A TOME OF ELDRITCH JOKES

A SET OF FANCY SANTAS, which appears to be missing a santa…

And a BAG OF HOLDIN

**UA: What use is this bag anyway? I mean, I can already alchemize all the captcha cards I need…**

**SE: I dunno…it IS a junior alchemizers kit after all…maybe you can find something to do wwith it?**

DO AS THE SERVER PLAYER COMMANDS AND GET TO IT!

Alright, jeez…you have to be more specific that ALCHEMIZE though…

JOKEBOOK && SANTA

You get the EVIL SANTA JOKEBOOK! It is full of bloodcurdling jokes that will make your friends scream with laughter…and holiday merriment!

COMBINE METAL BALL AND TOY CHAINSAW

You got the METAL CHAINSAW! Finally, a useful weapon! It could be better though…

COMBINE EVIL SANTA JOKEBOOK WITH CHAINSAW

You have no idea what this is…you do not seem to have the type of grist needed to make this item! You also seem to be running low on shale and build grist. You guess this chainsaw will have to do…maybe if you didn't spend so much of it on the jokebook. :O

KILL SOME IMPS!

There are no more imps right now. Your server player took care of them all. You see some more travelling down the paths of your world though.

**UA: How are you doing on my house?**

**SE: wwell, it has a few more stories, but wwe'll need a lot more grist if wwe wwanna get to the first gate.**

**UA: K then. I guess I'll go outside and kick some imp ass? :D**

**SE: have fun with that. I'll be here, wwatching and building.**

**UA: Okay. I'll see you later then! :)**

**universalAnniversal stopped pestering suspiciousEnthusiast at ?**

STRIKE A BADASS POSE

Time to kick some imp ass. B)

EXIT HOUSE

Okay.

…What? You were expecting it to take months to do this? Seriously, it's only a door. No big deal.

Geez.

KICK SOME IMP ASS

You proceed to slice some imps in half. This is more gruesome than expected. Strange…you feel as if you've seen these clothes before…

HOHOHO!

Oh no…not…

TURN AROUND

FANCY SANTA! OH GOD!

**SANTA: HOHOHO!**

**RYAN: Oh god. I wondered what that thing was.**

**SANTA: HOHO!**

**RYAN: I guess he doesn't speak until Tier 2.**

TIER 2 PROTOTYPE

But you see nothing to prototype with! That is, until your cat runs out of the house and slams right into the jolly old sprite. Congratulations! Your SANTASPRITE has evolved into a FELINE SANTA SPRITE!

COMMUNE WITH SPRITE

**RYAN: Hello? Rye?**

**CANTA: HOHOpurrHO!**

**RYAN: Do you even talk? :/**

**CANTA: Of course I do, Ryan! That's what I'm here for! :3**

**RYAN: Awesome! Except…I don't really need to know anything. I already know about most of the game!**

**CANTA: Oh…okay…**

**RYAN: But you can stick around!**

**CANTA: Yay!**

LEVEL UP!

You leveled up! You have now climbed to the prestigious BOY SKYLARK rank! Except…that's actually pretty low. You still have a looong way to go buddy! You reap in the boondollars and accept the larger GRIST CHACHE and increased GEL VISCOSITY as a prize. All the grist you collect is immediately funneled into making your house larger. It looks like your server won't let you do much alchemy until you get to your first gate!

BE THE SERVER PLAYER

You can't be the server player because the client player is too busy being the third kid.


End file.
